Flimsy Little Locks

Last night after Gerry's Outreach and Evangelism class, I was thinking about what was mentioned in class and (again) contemplating why I have not yet had success in birthing a new soul into the kingdom of heaven. A common underlying thread of all the speakers we have had in class, either mentioned directly or indirectly, was the need to build relationship with the person you are ministering to. Relationship between you and that person and relationship between that person and God.

The building of close personal relationships is something that does not come easily to me. Growing up there were many times that I felt steam-rollered by people who were supposed to love me. I find it difficult to open myself up completely and deeply because I just don't want to risk being flattened and broken like that again.

I had a dream last night that repeated itself three or four times before I woke up enough to realize that maybe God was trying to tell me something. There was a room with three doors leading into it. Each door had a flimsy little (eye hook) lock at the top that I felt compelled to lock so people wouldn't come in (okay, it was the bathroom and I was trying to avoid the visual). I believe (as silly as it may sound to some) that God was trying to tell me that there are areas where I am still afraid to go because I don't want to risk exposing myself to others. There are doors in my life that I keep locked so people can't get in. I believe that in showing this to me (repeatedly), God was inviting me to examine what areas are still locked up inside me. I believe one of those areas is in developing deeper relationships. I also believe that God wants me to unlock those doors and not be so concerned if someone happens to come in. Since they were flimsy little locks to begin with, they were meant to be opened easily or easily broken down by someone on the outside wanting in.

God, I'm not sure where the other two doors lead that I'm afraid to unlock, but I'd like for you to show me. Help me to stretch myself high enough to unlock them and not to be afraid of what that might mean. And Father? If I can't quite reach the locks on my own, please feel free to kick the doors down so that I can come out.

This feels like I'm still trying to get out of my box.