Fuel

Yesterday I read Proverbs 25:23..."As a north wind brings rain, so a sly tongue brings angry looks".

There's someone I know who often gives me angry looks. When I read that it caused me to pause and think about it...I'm not a walking Webster's dictionary and I wasn't really sure what "sly" meant, other than it seemed to refer to something devious. I don't feel devious. I didn't think I was devious...but since I often get angry looks from this person and because God's Word said it, I figured maybe I really was devious and had a tongue that was so sly, that even I didn't recognize it.

This morning when I woke up the Holy Spirit was there to meet me with a word of revelation: "You hold onto the past in order to use it as fuel for the future". This person, as well as a deceased family member, has caused me tremendous hurts. I have always felt as though I have forgiven them, but this new revelation allowed me to see that I'm still clutching some of the hurt close to my heart and it must reflect in my speech and in my attitudes. Holding onto those hurts, whether I realized I was doing it or not, served to fuel offense in the future. I was perpetuating the fire of my own hurts. Just as a fire requires fuel to burn, past hurts were fueling future ones.

In order to break the cycle of angry looks and, hopefully, the angry feelings behind the looks, I need to cast aside the past hurts and not cling to the fuel that will serve to burn me in the future.

God's Protection

On the night of November 20th, I was taking a country road home. The road was full of twists and turns, hills, fields, and open country. I was returning from hearing a guest speaker at a church about 40 minutes from our house. Few other people were out that night.

As I drove, I was telling God how awesome I thought He was and singing songs of praise. A thought popped into my head that said, "Slow down". Looking at my speedometer, I saw I was going 5 to 10 MPH over the speed limit. I wondered if this was God guiding me or my own thought. Since no one was with me and no one else seemed to be on the road, I decided it wouldn't hurt to be obedient and slowed down. Then came, "More". I slowed to 35 MPH. At the top of the hill where I had been traveling, there was a blind curve to the right. Just as I rounded the curve, three deer crossed the road in front of me! Had I been traveling any faster, those three deer would have been history and so would I. I knew that God had protected me and was so incredibly thankful.

But that's not all...Just a few minutes down the road I heard, "Do it again". Down to 35 MPH again. The road now had steep hills on either side of it. On my left up ahead, a deer, larger than the other three, crossed the road in front of me, and struggled to make it up the opposite side. Even more gratefullness and tremendous joy at what God had just done!

But now, three days later, with it comes the realization..."Who am I, Lord, that you are mindful of me"? And I feel humbled...

Jesus Greater Than Moses

This morning my Bible was laying open to the pages that contain Hebrews 3. So I decided to read it. The subtitle is "Jesus Greater Than Moses". My thoughts went to Moses. I wanted to get a better understanding of Moses in order to better understand the Greater-ness of Jesus. I was also hoping to get a better understanding of the person God wants me to be.

"Moses was faithful as a servant in all God's house...". Moses was known as the most humble man on earth. He must have considered others as better than himself and known that God certainly was. I wonder if that humbleness was there before God met him at that burning bush in the wilderness? Or did it come after that meeting? Did something of that fire from the bush transfer to Moses and give him a burning desire to be a servant to God alone? To wait upon God, be attentive to His needs, and then follow through and be obedient to Him?

Is it possible for me to be like that?? Faithful? Humble? A servant to God? Is it even possible for me to have a relationship with God like Moses did? I don't know, but I want so much to try. I know God doesn't call me to be like Moses...He wants me to set my sight on Jesus and be like Him. Maybe I just need to work at being obedient.

Like Peter

October was a devastating month. If you've read my previous blogs, you'll know why... The real kicker, the straw that broke this camel's back, was the announcement in church that a dear little, five-year old boy we'd all been praying for, died from complications of the Swine Flu. It was too much hurt. My heart felt torn in a million little pieces for all that was lost and I became very angry at God. I didn't get it. Not one bit. It didn't make any sense to me, especially when Kyree, the five year old, died.

Then someone must have prayed...

I came across something in a book that has helped a little bit. It's something I need to grasp and not let go of...The author was talking about the struggle between self- and Christ-centered living. He used the story of Peter in Matthew 16. Peter had just confessed that Jesus was the Messiah, the Son of the Living God, and Jesus blessed him for his confession. In the next moment, Jesus announced the suffering and death that awaited Him in Jerusalem. Peter took Jesus aside and rebuked Him, saying "God forbid it Lord! This shall never happen to you."...

Peter didn't get it either... Either he didn't think it would happen, didn't think it could happen to the Son of the Living God. or he was asking Jesus to make it somehow NOT happen. And Jesus rebuked Peter for it. Rather, Jesus identified and rebuked Satan as the source of the comment. Satan's aim is to promote self-interest and self-service rather than the things of God. If Jesus had succumbed to his own self-preservation, where would we be now?

I'm like Peter...I don't get why those deaths and accidents had to happen, but I know now that God has a plan bigger than what I can comprehend. I also realize that, like Peter, I have operated in a self-centered way of living, rather than a Christ-centered way of living. I don't want to be like Peter any more. I don't want to sell out to Satan because being a Christ-follower is too painful. I don't want to serve Satan by serving self. I no longer want to be deceived.