My pastor has what he calls "a dangerous little prayer". It's a prayer where you ask God something and then He answers. In bigger and sometimes scarier ways than you anticipated.
At the beginning of September, I prayed what turned out to be one of those "dangerous little prayers". I had been going over on-line notes from a recent sermon that I had missed and realized that even though I love God, I had no idea who I was in Christ or who God wanted me to be (what my purpose is). My dangerous little prayer was to ask God, "Show me who I am and who you want me to be." I wasn't prepared for the results.
Over two or three days, God began to show me exactly who I was...And it wasn't pretty. He showed me times over the week or so before where I had been prideful, boastful, fudged on the truth, etc. He showed me tendencies I have: the tendency I have to be negative; to think the worst about myself; to despair easily; to become depressed; to have critical, judgemental thoughts at times, even though that's not something I want, they just sometimes pop into my head; He showed me where I had taken the "easy way out" because I thought it would be more comfortable, when in truth, the "easy way out" is often not comfortable at all. The "easy way out" is sometimes (and maybe even often times) the spiritually corrupt way out. The wrong way out. "Easy" does not always equate with what's "right" in God's eyes.
As God was showing me these things, I didn't feel condemned in any way. It was just God showing me who I was. He was doing exactly what I had asked. I wasn't prepared for who I really was....Before I had a chance to be me and respond in despair, it was as though God spiritually took me by the shoulders and turned me around and showed me Himself standing not too far off, with one of His arms around Jesus' shoulder and the other hand resting on Jesus' other shoulder. God was showing me Jesus...His Beloved Son. He was showing me that He wanted me to be like Jesus. That, as much as I am able, that is who He wants me to be. Like Jesus.
God also gave me new revelation of a passage of scripture that I hadn't really grasped before: First Corinthians 9: 24-25: "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever." Before, I always thought that the prize in this passage was "getting to heaven" and part of running the race were the things I "had to do" along the way. Well...the prize for which I run isn't heaven, per se, it's Jesus. Jesus is the prize I am to run for. The prize I am to strive for and gain is Jesus.
Jesus, help me to run hard after you and not give up. I want to get closer to You all the time. I want to see you more clearly the closer I get. I want, more than anything, for You to be my Prize.
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