Denying Christ...a confession

This past weekend in church, our pastor's sermon was "Sex". The scripture he used was I Corinthians 7:1-15. This portion of scripture is instruction on Christian marriage. Sex is a good thing. A wonderful thing. A God-ordained union between husband and wife, where the two make themselves vulnerable to one another. By submitting to, and meeting the other's needs, an amazingly intimate union is formed that is not to be shared with anyone else.

I was thinking about this kind of intimacy this morning...You would think this God-ordained, amazing gift of intimacy would be an easy thing to have just the way God intended it. In reality, sex is one of the biggest problems in many marriages. We don't make ourselves vulnerable to one another. We are so busy being "strong" and "in charge" and in not having needs of our own, or maybe in meeting the needs of others, that we don't allow ourselves to become "weak" and vulnerable in this area. We're not willing to let our defenses down and fully submit to one another in this way. We're not always willing to meet our spouse's deepest desires or have our deepest desires met within the boundaries God set up for us. We're afraid. We're afraid to come out of our comfort zones. We deny our spouse and we deny ourself of the wonderful intimacy God desires us to have.

At this point, you're probably wondering what this has to do with denying Christ...I'm going to back track...

A few weeks ago, our pastor issued an invitation to come forward if you wanted to look more like Jesus. I felt the Holy Spirit beckoning me to "Come...Come". I didn't. My feet were glued to the spot where I was standing and I, for whatever reason, didn't go. Part of me was afraid. Not afraid of looking more like Jesus, but afraid of what people would think. Concerned that they would think I was faking it somehow up to this point. I'd accepted Christ a long time ago. I chose Him above all others. He became my husband and I became His Bride. Every day, I try to model the Jesus I love so dearly. He was calling me forward because He wanted to make me look more like Him. More Jesus. Less me. He wanted deeper intimacy. He wanted to take me to a place I'd never been before. And I denied Him... I denied Christ, my Husband. I denied myself. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to deny Him any longer. I no longer want to be afraid of the something wonderful in Christ that God planned for me long ago. I want to give myself completely to Him. Submit to Him. Be vulnerable to Him. Meet His needs as He meets mine.

Who Do You Look Like?

Church messed me up this past week.

My pastor talked about people who were "watchers", "followers", or "interns" of Jesus. Many people "watch" Jesus, maybe at church, on TV, or by the examples set by people who claim to be Christian, but they don't necessarily want to commit to following Jesus. A "follower" spends time with Jesus. In Jesus' day a follower would, well.. follow Jesus from place to place for their own reasons. Maybe they wanted to hear His teachings. Maybe they wanted to witness the miraculous. Maybe they wanted to be part of the "in" crowd. We have "followers" of Jesus today. In Jesus' time, Judas Iscariot was a follower. Judas was called to be a disciple (or to use modern verbage... an "intern"), but he didn't take his "follower" status to the next level, that of "intern". "Interns" were (and are) those called by Jesus to be in His inner circle and learn from Him only those things that can be learned by living in close quarters with someone. They knew and learned who Jesus was to such an extent that they were expected to be "Jesus" to those around them. A more modern example that is easy to relate to is that of a medical intern. A medical intern goes to school to learn to be a doctor. When they become an Intern, they follow a seasoned physician around to gain more experience and insight into being a doctor. They have a particular desire to become a full-fledged physician themself.

At the end of our church service, our pastor gave an invitation for anyone who wanted to look more like Jesus to come forward. I failed to go and I should have. For awhile now God has been putting a deep desire in my heart to serve Him, but on a deeper level than I have been. As much as I can (or as God leads me to), I try to serve by doing things that will minister to others. I've tried, to the best of my ability, to model the Jesus I see in the Bible. But that, somehow, is not enough anymore. There's another (deeper) level where He is calling me to go...

Serving Jesus the way I have been has not been a bad thing, but it dawned on me on my way home from church on Sunday that I have been serving Jesus looking like myself. I need to serve Jesus in such a way that I now look like Him. And now I want so badly to be that person...Jesus, help me to not just resemble you in the things I do, but help me BE You (as much as that is possible). I want people to now see Jesus when I serve them.

Daddy, Where Are You?

The other evening I was sitting outside reading and enjoying the sun. Our next door neighbors were outside as well, working on their yard. The dad had moved around front to work, leaving his two year old daughter in the backyard in the care of his wife and her other siblings. The two year old suddenly realized that her dad wasn't there and began calling out in her little voice, "Daddy, where are you? Daddy, I need you, where are you?" She began searching for him, but because she couldn't see him, she was becoming more desperate. Her cries grew louder and more frantic. "Daddy, where are you?!?" There was a sense of urgency and terror in her little voice. Her heart was breaking. She wanted her daddy and she couldn't find him. If she could just be near him, everything would once again be alright.

By this time, my heart was feeling her plight. How many times have I been in the same situation and called out to my heavenly Father the exact same thing? "Daddy, where are you? Daddy, I need you! Where are you, Daddy?" I wanted to run over, scoop her up in my arms, and tell her, "It's okay. Your daddy is right here. He's just around the corner. He loves you. He's never far away."

Do you know where your Daddy is?