Change in the Atmosphere

God is, once again, up to something. There's a change happening. You can almost feel it in the atmosphere. There's a shifting taking place. Spiritual change and spiritual shifting. There's an increase in spiritual giftings and I want, in the worst way, for God to increase and develop spiritual gifts in me.

LIFE (?) TRIP?

In less than sixteen hours, twenty-six people will converge on our church at 0230, to load up for a mission trip to the Dominican Republic. God reminded me this morning that one year ago, my family and I were on a different trip. My mother-in-law, Grace, was dying. We had gone to say our final "good-bye's". To me, that trip represented DEATH, but God taught me something during the planning of that trip that I have already shared in another blog, but want to share again.

In the process of planning all the details for that trip, and in thinking about my feelings for Grace---what a wonderful woman she was; what an influence she had been in the lives of so many people; how she cared for, and mentored hundreds, if not thousands as a teacher, mother, grandmother, sister, and aunt; and how it didn't seem at all fair that she had to die the way she did---God interrupted all those thoughts and said, "I'm not done yet". What?!? When we have done all that we know to do, God is not done yet. When we have prayed every prayer we know how to pray, and still, it seems as though those prayers have not been answered, God is not done yet. When all possible hope is gone, God is not done yet. When death is inevitable, God is not done yet. God is not done yet.

In planning all the details of this trip to the Dominican Republic, and getting all the last-minute items taken care of, and things packed, God reminded me of that trip a year ago and that He was "not done yet". I don't know if God is trying to tell me that no matter what we see happen on this trip, He's "not done yet" or if He was trying to tell me something else. For me, that was a DEATH trip. Maybe God was trying to tell me that this would be a LIFE trip. That trip brought physical death; maybe this trip will bring LIFE. His LIFE. ETERNAL LIFE. That is my hope. That is my prayer. Out of death springs life.

Luke 19:10

This morning I was humbled by Luke 19:10.."For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost."

That was me. I was completely and totally lost. My heart was completely and totally lost. Gone. Absent without leave.

Jesus was telling me He came for me. He came for my heart. He came, and he searched till he found me. And finally, I saw Him. Not only did Jesus have my heart, He was my heart.

Doors

I've been thinking quite a bit lately about putting my testimony down on paper. I have so many testimonies about what God has done in my life, that were I to tell all of the good, kind, and merciful things that God has done in my life to show me He loves me, I would probably be writing for the rest of my life. So, in my head, I have been trying to narrow it down.

I was thinking about these things this morning when I went downstairs to get something. I was drawn to a boring wood plank door that used to be the bathroom door. Several years ago, I covered this door with pictures of people. Not just ANY people, but MY people. My family. My ancestors. My descendents. To me, this door represents history. My history. It represents who I am and where I've been. My family, and where they have been. It's not just a physical reminder of the past, it's also a reminder of things spiritual. The spiritual paths that my family has walked.

As I was thinking about all these things: my testimony and my past, my family's history, and the spiritual paths we have walked, God pointed out to me that door represents PAST history. It's an important door to remember, but now it is time to create a door that represents the FUTURE. What will that door look like? What will it hold?

As I begin to imagine this door, I see it covered in fields of wheat, ready for the harvest. I see me represented as a big green John Deere harvester. I see Jesus as Lord of the Harvest, waiting to direct me; and I am ready, and wanting to start.

Prince of Peace

Oh my gosh(!), my Prince has come! My Prince of Peace has come and he's at my house. It's so weighty in here I can hardly stand it. I feel like I'm drunk and I'm heavy and I'm going to melt all over the place. Wow! This has never happened before...Prince of Peace...of the increase of his ggovernment and peace there will be no end. I'm lovin this.

Breakthrough!

Breakthrough! I can feel it! Something exciting is coming! Can't wait to see what God is up to. Can you feel it, too?

He Was Pierced

Isaiah 53:5 says "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed."

Have you ever thought to ask, "Where was Jesus pierced for me? Where was Jesus wounded on his body for me? Where does he bear marks on his body for me and because of me"?

Ask. He might show you.

Wrecked at Harvest Cry

Harvest Cry this year was better than ANY of the Harvest Cries we've had in past years. I knew I was in trouble from the start of Johannes Amritzer's very first teaching Thursday morning when God pierced my heart so deeply, and I was completely wrecked and undone for even more of Jesus and that beautiful servant heart of His. It felt as though I wouldn't survive through Harvest Cry if every teaching cut through me so deeply.

From the beginning, and throughout all of Harvest Cry, my heart was deeply pierced; walls around my heart crumbled; revelation came; strongholds came crashing down; Jesus poured out; Holy Spirit flowed in love, peace, and healing like never before; and, I believe, purpose was finally revealed.

I am wrecked for more of God and for more of my Jesus. I am a new person. The old has passed away. And I will never be the same again.

God is Good

God is good and excellent in every way.

All I Need

I read a simple statement this morning from the book Primal by Mark Batterson. The statement pretty well sums up what I feel Holy Spirit was trying to get across to me when I heard "Well of Jacob (see last blog)". The statement(paraphrased) said ..."after years of striving, God is enough."

God is enough. God is everything. He is all I need and He is enough.

Well of Jacob

Tuesday, April 27th at 4:15 AM I woke up feeling absolutely exhausted. It felt as though I hadn't slept a wink, even though I'm pretty sure I did. Getting ready for work, I told God how sick and tired I was of being exhausted all the time. How I was tired of striving. Tired of trying to be a "perfect" Christian. HAVING to read my Bible. Feeling as though I HAVE to be "Super Christian" all the time at work so unsaved co-workers will see what an awesome God I serve...(As I write this, I can see how ludicrous this is. I can only imagine what my co-workers must think! Oh boy, God! I'm praying that you will draw to you the ones I chased away).

Holy Spirit interrupted me mid-stream and said three words. "Well of Jacob". Well of Jacob??? What does that mean?

I found out that the Well of Jacob is referenced in the New Testament in John 4, as well as in Deuteronomy 33:26-29. The Well of Jacob is where Jesus rested and the Samaritan woman came to draw water. Jesus had an encounter with her, telling her about her life, and offering her "living water". Jesus told her that whoever drinks the water from Jacob's well would be thirsty again (They would have to labor to draw from the well again and again to satisfy their thirst), but..."whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

It's obvious I'm striving. God doesn't want me to strive. I've been doing it wrong. My "source" was all wrong. After reading the verses in Deuteronomy, I think God is reminding me that not only is He, Jesus, my Source (at least He wants to be if I'll get down off my own throne and let Him), but that I don't have to work hard at all to show others how wonderful He is. He'll do all the hard work. He WANTS to do it. He's more than capable.

Denying Christ...a confession

This past weekend in church, our pastor's sermon was "Sex". The scripture he used was I Corinthians 7:1-15. This portion of scripture is instruction on Christian marriage. Sex is a good thing. A wonderful thing. A God-ordained union between husband and wife, where the two make themselves vulnerable to one another. By submitting to, and meeting the other's needs, an amazingly intimate union is formed that is not to be shared with anyone else.

I was thinking about this kind of intimacy this morning...You would think this God-ordained, amazing gift of intimacy would be an easy thing to have just the way God intended it. In reality, sex is one of the biggest problems in many marriages. We don't make ourselves vulnerable to one another. We are so busy being "strong" and "in charge" and in not having needs of our own, or maybe in meeting the needs of others, that we don't allow ourselves to become "weak" and vulnerable in this area. We're not willing to let our defenses down and fully submit to one another in this way. We're not always willing to meet our spouse's deepest desires or have our deepest desires met within the boundaries God set up for us. We're afraid. We're afraid to come out of our comfort zones. We deny our spouse and we deny ourself of the wonderful intimacy God desires us to have.

At this point, you're probably wondering what this has to do with denying Christ...I'm going to back track...

A few weeks ago, our pastor issued an invitation to come forward if you wanted to look more like Jesus. I felt the Holy Spirit beckoning me to "Come...Come". I didn't. My feet were glued to the spot where I was standing and I, for whatever reason, didn't go. Part of me was afraid. Not afraid of looking more like Jesus, but afraid of what people would think. Concerned that they would think I was faking it somehow up to this point. I'd accepted Christ a long time ago. I chose Him above all others. He became my husband and I became His Bride. Every day, I try to model the Jesus I love so dearly. He was calling me forward because He wanted to make me look more like Him. More Jesus. Less me. He wanted deeper intimacy. He wanted to take me to a place I'd never been before. And I denied Him... I denied Christ, my Husband. I denied myself. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to deny Him any longer. I no longer want to be afraid of the something wonderful in Christ that God planned for me long ago. I want to give myself completely to Him. Submit to Him. Be vulnerable to Him. Meet His needs as He meets mine.

Who Do You Look Like?

Church messed me up this past week.

My pastor talked about people who were "watchers", "followers", or "interns" of Jesus. Many people "watch" Jesus, maybe at church, on TV, or by the examples set by people who claim to be Christian, but they don't necessarily want to commit to following Jesus. A "follower" spends time with Jesus. In Jesus' day a follower would, well.. follow Jesus from place to place for their own reasons. Maybe they wanted to hear His teachings. Maybe they wanted to witness the miraculous. Maybe they wanted to be part of the "in" crowd. We have "followers" of Jesus today. In Jesus' time, Judas Iscariot was a follower. Judas was called to be a disciple (or to use modern verbage... an "intern"), but he didn't take his "follower" status to the next level, that of "intern". "Interns" were (and are) those called by Jesus to be in His inner circle and learn from Him only those things that can be learned by living in close quarters with someone. They knew and learned who Jesus was to such an extent that they were expected to be "Jesus" to those around them. A more modern example that is easy to relate to is that of a medical intern. A medical intern goes to school to learn to be a doctor. When they become an Intern, they follow a seasoned physician around to gain more experience and insight into being a doctor. They have a particular desire to become a full-fledged physician themself.

At the end of our church service, our pastor gave an invitation for anyone who wanted to look more like Jesus to come forward. I failed to go and I should have. For awhile now God has been putting a deep desire in my heart to serve Him, but on a deeper level than I have been. As much as I can (or as God leads me to), I try to serve by doing things that will minister to others. I've tried, to the best of my ability, to model the Jesus I see in the Bible. But that, somehow, is not enough anymore. There's another (deeper) level where He is calling me to go...

Serving Jesus the way I have been has not been a bad thing, but it dawned on me on my way home from church on Sunday that I have been serving Jesus looking like myself. I need to serve Jesus in such a way that I now look like Him. And now I want so badly to be that person...Jesus, help me to not just resemble you in the things I do, but help me BE You (as much as that is possible). I want people to now see Jesus when I serve them.

Daddy, Where Are You?

The other evening I was sitting outside reading and enjoying the sun. Our next door neighbors were outside as well, working on their yard. The dad had moved around front to work, leaving his two year old daughter in the backyard in the care of his wife and her other siblings. The two year old suddenly realized that her dad wasn't there and began calling out in her little voice, "Daddy, where are you? Daddy, I need you, where are you?" She began searching for him, but because she couldn't see him, she was becoming more desperate. Her cries grew louder and more frantic. "Daddy, where are you?!?" There was a sense of urgency and terror in her little voice. Her heart was breaking. She wanted her daddy and she couldn't find him. If she could just be near him, everything would once again be alright.

By this time, my heart was feeling her plight. How many times have I been in the same situation and called out to my heavenly Father the exact same thing? "Daddy, where are you? Daddy, I need you! Where are you, Daddy?" I wanted to run over, scoop her up in my arms, and tell her, "It's okay. Your daddy is right here. He's just around the corner. He loves you. He's never far away."

Do you know where your Daddy is?

The Full Extent

Have you ever read a portion of Scripture and found yourself weeping and you're not even sure why? I had one of those this morning...

I was reading John 13:1-5 in my NIV..."It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love. The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing (some versions say garments -plural-as in all his clothes), and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him."

The tears started at "he now showed them the FULL EXTENT of his love"...Jesus knew who he was (Son of God, Son of Man, divine Creator of the Universe, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Master, Saviour, Teacher, Friend, Lover of our Souls, Healer...), why he had been sent here, and that it was his time to return to God, His Father. Jesus loved his disciples before, but now he was going to SHOW them the FULL EXTENT of that love...

Can you even begin to imagine what the FULL EXTENT of Jesus' love feels like??? Willing to show it even to the one who would betray him? I can't.

It doesn't say the full extent of his love was experienced in Jesus' sermons or when he healed or in all the miracles he performed. The full extent of His love was not shown when He raised someone from the dead or cast out demons. It doesn't even say that the full extent of His love was shown at the cross (although it may have been). It says the full extent of His love was shown when Jesus stripped himself, wrapped himself in a towel, and took on the task that belonged to the lowliest servant. Jesus took off his robes: his robes of righteousness; his teacher/preacher/evangelist/prophet/healer/Son of God/Creator-of-the-Universe robes, put on a servant's linen towel, knelt in the dust at their feet, and washed away the filth of the world that had collected on their feet and then wiped them dry. That's when the FULL EXTENT of Jesus' love came. The full extent came when he humbled himself and did a task that even the lowest servant hadn't done. Jesus did it, not because he was forced to do it, or because he felt he had to...He did it because he was willing. He wanted to show that this is what the full extent of His love is about...stripping ourselves of whatever "robes" we wear, being humble enough to have the servant's heart that is willing to do the dirtiest, lowliest, looked-down-upon jobs; not because we have to, but because we can. We can do it because this is what the full extent of love is and what the full extent of love does. This is what it looks like and how it feels. It's something even I can do.

Faith

I've been reading, hearing, and thinking a lot about faith. Hebrews 11 is known as the faith chapter. Hebrews 11:1 says, "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen". Faith has substance. Faith IS substance. It is something real and concrete. It is the evidence of what we hope for. Faith is the reality of our hope. And everybody has a measure of faith. Believers and non-believers alike.

There's a story in the Old Testament that takes place after Abram and his nephew, Lot, go their separate ways. God tells Abram to "Lift up your eyes from where you are and look north and south, east and west. All the land that you see I will give to you and your offspring forever...." God was, in essence, telling Abram, "If you can see it, I will give it to you and your offspring to have as an inheritance." God hadn't yet given it to Abram, but Abram knew that God's word and his promises were true. Abram may not have had possession of that promise right at that particular time and place, but he knew he was going to have possession of it because God told him he was going to have possession of it.

The same is true with our faith walk. God's Word makes promises and declarations to us that are true. When we see those promises and declarations that God makes or when God shows us things -- reveals things to us -- we can latch on to those things and believe God for those things because God is not a liar. He is faithful and true to His Word. His promises are "yes" and "amen". They are born out of His great love for us and out of what Christ did for us on the cross. He gives them to us out of a love relationship with us.

I feel like a little child who wants more...More of my Father, more faith, more of what the Word says...but, I also want to grow and be able to give away.

Scary Little Prayer Declaration

Our church is hosting an IheartHaiti dance on February 14th to benefit a particular children's home in Haiti that was destroyed, leaving 10 orphaned children and their caregivers with nothing but their faith in God and the prayers of God's people. What else do you really need?

Anyway, I decided to seek pledges from fellow employees at the nursing home where I work. So far, only two people have handed me either cash or a check. My scary little prayer is this: That God will provide so that I can match, dollar-for-dollar, all the contributions that my fellow co-workers make for the IheartHaiti benefit dance. So far, this will be easy to do. However, I feel as though God placed this idea on my heart, and that He will cause enough people to donate that it won't be easy for me to match their contributions. I will have to step out in faith and trust Him to both provide the contributions and the money to match them.

Waiting

I haven't blogged for awhile...Not totally sure what to blog or, more correctly, how to put into words yet the things I sense God is starting to do. God has made some divine appointments for me. He is leading me down paths that are new to me and I am not sure what the end result will be. He has told me, "Don't be afraid to go where I lead you." I don't know where He will lead me, but if He is leading me and I am following in His footsteps, then I confidently place my trust in Him.

He is also revealing bits and pieces of Himself to me. Not just about Him, but WHO He is. Things He likes, mannerisms. These are the things about Jesus that I really want to know. Things that are private and precious between the two of us.

Another thing that I've been picking up on are that we have more than just our five physical senses. We have, also, the way we sense (experience) things with our soul (or mind and emotions), and we also have a set of spiritual senses. I've been praying that God develops a keen set of spiritual senses in me. Really, God gave me all 3 sets of senses and I would love it if He developed all 3 sets of 5 senses in order for me to pick up on more of Him. I want to glorify Him with ALL that I have.

In the meantime, I am waiting...Waiting to see what happens...Waiting to see where He will lead me.