Sometimes accidents are no accident.
The last couple of weeks have been full of soul-searching, questions, no adequate answers, spiritual restlessness, and a battle with depression.
Fast forward to yesterday...As I drove through an intersection on my way home from work, a vehicle ran a red light and ran into the driver's side of my car. It's amazing how time seemed to slow down and how many thoughts ran through my head...In real time, I noticed the vehicle just before it impacted the side of my car. In the slowed down version of time, I remember thinking, "There's a vehicle in the intersection"; "Did I miss my light turning red?"; actually taking a quick look-back in my rearview mirror to check the light, only to see it was still green; and then the realization, "I'm going to get hit"...
This morning during my quiet time with God, I was contemplating the accident and the last couple of weeks' spiritual battle with depression, when something else hit me...God brought my attention to the name of the person who collided with me...I smiled...God caused "Joy" to impact me. Even her last name, which I won't mention, seemed to speak to the never-ending supply of joy that God wants to give.
Thanks for the wake-up call, God. And for the accident that I'm not so sure was an accident.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Fasting Speech
I lack gracious lips. Without meaning to do so, and without hearing myself do it at the time, I criticize and am judgemental.
So, last evening, I decided, as much as is possible, to fast speech and pray for lips of grace. I want to listen to what other people are saying and to note how they are gracious with their words. I guess I'm as much fasting and praying for ears to hear as I am for lips that are gracious. When I do break my fast, I want to be able to carefully weigh what I say before the words cross my lips. I'm praying that God will give me ears to hear and that I won't need to be silent for the rest of my life.
Being completely speech-free is impossible in my field of work. At home, it seems much easier.
Here are some things I've observed and learned today:
1) My thoughts do tend to be critical and judgemental at times. It would follow that my speech is as well, even though I hadn't realized it.
2) My heart breaks when I hear others do the same. What must God think of us?
3) People lash out in bitterness and anger when they don't understand the reason for your silence (sorry if that sounds critical or judgemental, but it has been my experience today).
4) Keeping silent creates a burden all its own. God gave us speech in order to help us release what's inside of us, but there's POWER in our words. Power to build up or power to tear down. Power to create or power to destroy from the inside out. Power to diffuse or power to ignite.
5) Speech helps us to bear one another's burdens.
6) Speech connects us to one another.
7) On my own, I have no idea how to have grace or operate in it...How will I ever be able to think and speak graciously unless God fills me with His very own Grace??? Father, I need Your Grace. I can't do it on my own.
So, last evening, I decided, as much as is possible, to fast speech and pray for lips of grace. I want to listen to what other people are saying and to note how they are gracious with their words. I guess I'm as much fasting and praying for ears to hear as I am for lips that are gracious. When I do break my fast, I want to be able to carefully weigh what I say before the words cross my lips. I'm praying that God will give me ears to hear and that I won't need to be silent for the rest of my life.
Being completely speech-free is impossible in my field of work. At home, it seems much easier.
Here are some things I've observed and learned today:
1) My thoughts do tend to be critical and judgemental at times. It would follow that my speech is as well, even though I hadn't realized it.
2) My heart breaks when I hear others do the same. What must God think of us?
3) People lash out in bitterness and anger when they don't understand the reason for your silence (sorry if that sounds critical or judgemental, but it has been my experience today).
4) Keeping silent creates a burden all its own. God gave us speech in order to help us release what's inside of us, but there's POWER in our words. Power to build up or power to tear down. Power to create or power to destroy from the inside out. Power to diffuse or power to ignite.
5) Speech helps us to bear one another's burdens.
6) Speech connects us to one another.
7) On my own, I have no idea how to have grace or operate in it...How will I ever be able to think and speak graciously unless God fills me with His very own Grace??? Father, I need Your Grace. I can't do it on my own.
Monday, August 3, 2009
The Power of Brokenness
WOW! Reading a powerful book by Don Nori that I borrowed from Harvest Chapel's lending library called "The Power of Brokenness".
As I started to read it, its truths touched someplace deep inside, and all I could do was cry, as God began revealing things to me that I can't fully put into words yet. Something inside me breaks each time I sit down to read this book and I don't think I want to leave that place of brokenness because it (can I say this??) feels good to be broken when I know it's God doing the breaking. I have no idea where God is taking me with this (nor do I care). All I know is that I want to follow.
As I started to read it, its truths touched someplace deep inside, and all I could do was cry, as God began revealing things to me that I can't fully put into words yet. Something inside me breaks each time I sit down to read this book and I don't think I want to leave that place of brokenness because it (can I say this??) feels good to be broken when I know it's God doing the breaking. I have no idea where God is taking me with this (nor do I care). All I know is that I want to follow.
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